John 15:9-17
“What the world needs now is love, sweet love. It’s the only thing that there’s just too little of.” Jackie DeShannon was absolutely right when that song reached the top of the charts back in 1965. And the Beatles were right, too, when they had a megahit with All You Need Is Love in 1967. But Jesus said it first. A long time before John Lennon and Paul McCartney or Burt Bacharach and Hal David.
Love is a powerful force. It creates relationships. It can overcome fear and hate. Love is what created the universe. It can sometimes transform things instantaneously, but more often it builds and changes things slowly. Over time. Because love is patient and kind.
Love can improve your health. It can even make you more successful, although that is entirely a side-effect.
In 1938, during the Great Depression, a group of doctors at Harvard Medical School began a long-term study to determine what factors contributed most to long-term health and well-being in men. The Study of Adult Development has been ongoing for more than 80 years now. Once selected, participants are followed for the rest of their lives. They fill out a questionnaire every other year covering their physical and mental health, financial status, relationship status, and general level of happiness. Every five years some of the men are selected at random for more in-depth study.
Some of the findings in the study haven’t been all that surprising. For instance, they’ve verified that alcoholism is destructive. It has been the primary cause of divorce among study participants and it strongly correlates with neurosis and depression. So, no big surprise there. But here’s one that is surprising: financial success depends more on warm relationships than on intelligence. In fact “warm relationships” play a huge role in lifetime satisfaction, wealth, and well-being.
A warm childhood relationship with your mother makes a difference long into adulthood:
- Men who had warm childhood relationships with their mothers earned considerably more per year than men whose mothers were uncaring.
- Men who had poor childhood relationships with their mothers were much more likely to develop dementia in later life.
- In professional life, a man’s boyhood relationship with his mother—but not with his father—was associated with greater effectiveness at work.
But a warm relationship with your father is important, too. Warm childhood relationships with fathers correlated with:
- Lower rates of adult anxiety.
- Greater enjoyment of vacations.
- Increased life satisfaction at age 75.
When George Vaillant, the former director of the Study, was interviewed by The Atlantic, his main conclusion was that “warm relationships” throughout life had a greater positive influence on “life satisfaction” than anything else—greater than money, greater than achievement, greater than acquisition and accumulation of things. Warm relationships, he said, were the greatest predictor of happiness. By far. “Put differently,” Vaillant says, “The study shows happiness is love. Full stop.”[1] When a Canadian broadcaster suggested that his statement was overly broad and sentimental, Vaillant looked down at his data then looked up and replied, “The answer is L-O-V-E.”[2]
“As the Father has loved me, so I have loved you,” said Jesus. “Abide in my love. If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commandments and abide in his love.”
The word “love” here is agape which is a particular kind of love. This isn’t a sentimental or emotional love, although it can develop into warm feelings. But agape doesn’t start that way. Agape is a decision. It starts in the head before it moves to the heart. Madeleine L’Engle described it this way: “Agape love is…profound concern for the well-being of another, without any desire to control that other, to be thanked by that other, or to enjoy the process.”
Dr. Martin Luther King said, “Agape does not begin by discriminating between worthy and unworthy people, or any qualities people possess. It begins by loving others for their own sakes… Therefore, agape makes no distinction between friend and enemy; it is directed toward both. It is redemptive goodwill for all people. It is a love that asks nothing in return. It is an overflowing love…And when you rise to love on this level, you begin to love people not because they are likeable, but because God loves them.”
When Saint Paul writes that Love is patient and kind, that love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude, that it doesn’t insist on its own way, that love it is not irritable or resentful, that it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth…when he writes that love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things, when he writes that love never quits, he is describing agape.
When Jesus says, “As the Father has loved me, so I have loved you,” that’s the kind of love he is talking about, the decision to act for the well-being of others. So what about those warm feelings that can have such a positive effect? Well, agape love may start in your head as a decision, but it often moves to the heart because when you love with agape love, you make yourself vulnerable. That’s part of the decision. That’s why, right after Jesus reminds his disciples that he loves them, he goes on to call them his friends.
“Abide in my love,” says Jesus. Most of us don’t use the word “Abide” too often. The Greek word that’s at work here is meno, which means to stay, to remain, to continue, to continue to exist. It’s in the imperative form here, so Jesus says it as a command. Continue to exist in my love. Stay in my love.
There are two ways to think about that. One is that Jesus surrounds us with his love and commands us to stay inside the parameters of that love as we act and interact with each other and the world. This might be what Saint Paul means when he talks about being “in Christ.”
The other way to understand it is to see that our lives have been infused with the love of Jesus and we are now commanded to continue to regenerate that love for those around us, to keep spreading it out into the world. Both understandings work. Both keep the love of God flowing. And Jesus assures us that if we keep the commandment to love, we will continue to abide, to exist, within the love of God.
“I have said these things to you,” said Jesus, “so that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be complete.” This statement always catches me by surprise.
I’ll be honest, I don’t usually think of Jesus as joyful. You certainly don’t see him depicted that way very often in the gospels. We see him arguing with scribes and Pharisees or impatient with his disciples when they’re being dense. We see his generosity, especially when he’s healing. We see his power when he’s casting out demons, there’s certainly something energetic about that. But joyful?
When you think about it, the episodes of cranky or serious Jesus that we see depicted in the gospels are brief and they’re probably very much the exception rather than the rule. We do see him dining with tax collectors and sinners. Those were probably fun times. He does tell the occasional joke—you know, a camel through the eye of a needle? And joy would explain why huge crowds came to see him. Joy is attractive! Joy is charismatic!
So Jesus commands us to continue to exist in his agape love so that his joy may be in us and so that our joy may be complete. And then to make it crystal clear that he’s serious about this—joyfully serious—he makes love a commandment. “This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.”
As I have loved you.
“No one has greater love than this,” continues Jesus, “to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” He’s referring to the cross here, of course, hinting at just how far he will go to demonstrate his agape love for all of us. He will lay down his physical life.
But he might be referring to even more if we dive down below the surface. The word that’s translated as “life” here is psyche. It means living soul, inner self, mind. It can also mean what we refer to as “ego.” Richard Rohr has said that in order to learn how to fully and truly love we have to learn how to get our egos out of the way. No one has greater love than this, to lay down one’s ego for one’s friends.
“Authentic Christianity,” says Rohr, “is not so much a belief system as a life-and-death system that shows you how to give away your life, how to give away your love, and eventually how to give away your death. Basically, how to give away—and in doing so, to connect with the world, with all other creatures, and with God…Here the primary language is unlearning, letting go, surrendering, serving others, and not the language of self-development—which often lurks behind our popular notions of salvation.”[4]
Paul Tillich once wrote about meeting a Swedish woman who had spent time in a prison camp for giving aid and comfort to prisoners and orphans during World War I. He found in her a personification of that “greater love.” “It is a rare gift to meet a human being in whom love – this means God – is so overwhelmingly manifest,” he wrote. “It undercuts theological arrogance as well as pious isolation. It is more than justice and greater than faith or hope. It is the very presence of God in the form of a human being. For God is love. In every moment of genuine love we are dwelling in God and God in us.”
When you let God’s love flow through you, you begin to love, as John Duns Scotus says, things in themselves and for themselves, and not for what they do for you. That’s when you begin to love your spouse. That’s when you begin to really love others—when you start seeing them detached from you or what they do for you or how they make you look or what they can get for you.
When we love, we manifest God. It’s as simple as that. As it says in Ephesians, “I pray that you may be strengthened in your inner being with power through his Spirit and that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith as you are being rooted and grounded in love. I pray that you may have the power to comprehend, with all the saints, what is the breadth and length and height and depth and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, so that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.”[1]
When you love things and people in themselves, you are looking out at the world with the eyes of God. When you look out from those eyes, you see that it’s not about you. And you will see things that will give you joy. Simple things will make you happy. Reality will start giving you joy, inherently. And you will start overcoming the gap between you and everything else.
Abide in Christ’s love. Be a friend of Jesus. Build those warm relationships in the world. So that Christ’s joy may be in you. And your joy may be complete.
[1] Ephesians 3:16-19